Ruby's Bar & Grill

P.C. Puke

Let me tell you, I'm so sick of political correctness I could puke. Everybody's tippy toeing around, trying not to say anything that might be misconstrued as unenlightened or bias or discrimnatory or whatever.

My friend Velma takes ads over at the newspaper, and the supervisor over at the bauxite plant called to place a help wanted ad. Velma typed it in just as he read it off, but the next day she caught holy hell from the publisher. Seems he came to her desk and said, "Foreman wanted.....FOREMAN!!! We can't say foreman, it's discriminatory."

So Velma changed the ad to read "Foreperson Wanted". Lame-o. Look, I was there when they were burning bras, and I remember after high school the only jobs open to me constituted a very short list - secretary, teacher, nurse, telephone operator, stewardess (yes, stewardess NOT flight attendant), retail or heaven forbid....a mom! I suppose at the beginning of the women's movement it made sense to change the language a bit, you know, to be "in your face" with the changes. But since every young woman I know has a pretty decent career it seems like beating a dead horse.

The other night this woman comes in the bar (Joey brought her in), and I was telling how my Mexican friend Rosa makes the best homemade tamales you ever ate. Well, this woman gave me a tongue lashing for using the word Mexican. Hmmmmm, Rosa was born in Mexico, raised in Mexico, and is a Mexican citizen, so I guess that makes her Mexican.

So I turned around and said to this woman, "Look Toots, the last time I checked, Mexican wasn't a dirty word". My friend is Mexican and darn proud of it.

We won't even go into the students over at the University who've taken it upon themselves to speak up against the school mascot. I'll tell you about that another time.

Oh What the Hell

Just a note: This is a bar, this isn't a place for kids to hang out. I ain't got time to card you, so let's be on the honor system, OK? As you can see in the title above, sometimes I use cuss words, so if you don't want your kids to see them, then keep them outta the bar.

I didn't get much sleep last night because my little chihuahua Chico has a bladder the size of a kidney bean. That's OK, because I'd rather be up walking a dog than spending all night in state of worry like my friend Leon. He's a worry wart, and spends way too much time mulling over decisions.

One of the professors out at the community college came in the other night and left a copy of something called, "Scientific American" on the bar. I took it home cause I was curious about what these scientific types think about all day. There was an article called "The Tyranny of Choice", about how we have too many choices in modern society. Now there's idea I can wrap my arms around. I found long ago that you can't give people alot of choices, they go nuts on you.

That's one of the reasons why here at Ruby's, we only serve a limited drink and food menu. You can order beer, or a shot of whiskey, and I carry scotch, gin, vodka and tequila. But I don't own a blender, and there's no chocolate martinis decorated with miniature chocolate versions of the Eiffel Tower.

Anyway, I guess the point is that when you're struggling with a big decision, sometimes the best answer is....OH WHAT THE HELL.

I promised you a recipe, so here's Ruby's Martini.

2 shots of chilled vodka
vermouth
2 pimiento stuffed green olives

Pour the vodka in a glass.
Wave the bottle of vermouth over the vodka.
Throw in two olives.

Enjoy. Here at Ruby's we serve this with a snack of pimiento cheese spread and soda crackers.

Welcome to Ruby's

Welcome! My name is Ruby and I'm what's referred to as an old broad. You can't get to be my age without learning a thing or two about life. Stick with me and I'll share some of those tidbits with you.

This is not a fancy place, and I don't serve sissy drinks - nothing in a blender, OK? And don't expect nothing but plain talk from me. Sometimes people say to me, "Ruby, tell my what you really think." Well, it's obvious those folks don't know me very well, 'cause that's all I know how to do. Anyway, it's too hard to figure out what people want to hear.

I've had five husbands, but I'm happy to be on my own. I guess I owe some thanks to those bra-burning women's libbers from the 70's, 'cause they made it possible for me to be a businesswoman!

What I do is this - across the bar I dispense my take on things, and I give advice. If you're lucky I'll share some of my recipes with you.

So drop in anytime......the bar's always open.